Anger Management

Dear Baby,

When you get out here in the world, people are going to make you angry. I don't want you to be surprised by this, although if you are anything like me you will be horrified and shocked every single time it happens.

Sometimes it will just be because you are in a bad mood. Or sometimes they are. Sometimes it is caused by different cultural or gender or generational expectations. Or a misunderstanding. But sometimes people are just mean, and their meanness will make you very, very angry.

Sometimes you will want to punch them in the head (not usually the best choice unless you enjoy peeing in front of prison guards). Sometimes you will want to cry (go ahead). And sometimes you will want to treat them to a lengthy display of your powers of invective. (This last one is always fun and one of my favorites.) Your grandmother (let's call her Nana, since your cousin Catie already named her that and I don't really like change) likes to break things - pottery, glass, cologne bottles. [Tip: buy a collection of cheap glasses from the dollar store for just such occasions, and always aim for the wall above the open trash can - no cleanup.)

These are all fun, but you may get to the end of them without having exhausted your anger. Or the mean person might be mean all over again the next day. I want you to know that there are endless strategies to employ in dealing with both your anger and their meanness. There's sarcasm and irony, wit, humor, empathy (blech, but sometimes it works), and on and on and on. One of the things that they teach you in acting classes is that if one strategy fails, you must immediately employ another. That is how you get what you want in the end.

Unless the playwright has written a tragedy, and then you are screwed. But I digress.

Employ every strategy you can think of, and then if they are still mean and you are still angry, think of more strategies. Brainstorm. It might end up feeling like a game, which is fun. And you might end up coming up with a good stand-up routine or a best-selling book. Then you can thank the meany for all your success on late night talk shows or in the dedication of your book.

And you can always come home and your dad and I can do a sketch in which we skewer your adversary.

We love you,

Mom